How to Cope with Shame about Loneliness: A Guide for LGBTQIA+ Individuals in Melbourne

As an LGBTQIA+ individual in Melbourne, you may be familiar with the damaging cyclical relationship between shame and loneliness. The assumption that we are the cause of our isolation can feed our shame, and shame-based feelings about ourselves can fuel our need for withdrawal to self-protect, causing further isolation.

This cycle can be particularly difficult for LGBTQIA+ individuals who have grown up harbouring a secret shame regarding their sexual and/or gender identity, causing an excruciating sense of otherness. At the heart of loneliness is an absence of meaningful social interaction, whether an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community. It is in our in built make up to thrive in interdependent relationships.

Loneliness tells us that we need social connections. Remember that you're not alone if you feel lonely and ashamed about it. Social isolation has become a pervasive issue, particularly in the west, where it has become a public health crisis.

When your inner critic gets triggered and tells you your loneliness reflects your lack of worth, acknowledge that it is trying to protect you from being hurt and ask it to give you some space. Consider reaching out to a trusted person in your life or an LGBTQIA+ psychologist or counsellor in Melbourne who can help you cope with these feelings and find support within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Below are some LGBTQIA+ groups in Melbourne that you may find helpful:

1. Queerspace LGBT Mentoring

https://www.queerspace.org.au/our-programs/mentoring-programs/

2. Thorne Harbour Peer Groups

https://thorneharbour.org/services/peer-workshops/

3. Rainbow Yarra - List of community LGBT sporting groups

https://www.yarracity.vic.gov.au/the-area/diversity-and-inclusion/rainbow-yarra

Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking care of your mental health is essential for your overall well-being. Don't hesitate to contact an LGBTQIA+ psychologist or counsellor in Melbourne for support.